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 THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE Number 393, November 12, 2006 "Knowin' history's the KEY t'keepin' a FREE country."—Lucy Kropotkin
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A Word to the Unwise
Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise It's time for a big fat "I told you so" to all you Republicans, conservatives, neoconservatives, and neolibertarians who are reeling with surprise and shock over what happened to them the first Tuesday in November. You people screwed up bigtime, and you got it all back, in the shorts, in one long evening in hell you'll remember all your lives. You got pulled through a knothole backwards, slid down a 50 foot razor blade into a barrel of alcohol, and you deserved every inch of it. As Nelson on The Simpsons puts it, "Ha-ha!" It's so refreshing when what goes arounbd actually comes around. None of you would listen over the past five or six years. None of you listened over the past fifty years. If you had, things would be very different today, and it would be Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer out standing on a street corner selling pencils from a tin cup instead of you. Now you have just two short years to make some changes before the next election. If you try, it better be damned big and it better be damned good, positively revolutionary, or this poor, sad, battered country will be stuck—thanks entirely to you—with left wing socialists in Congress, left wing socialists in the Senate, left wing socialists in the White House, in short, exactly the kind of rabid animal government Cambodia suffered under in the glory days of Pol Pot. And—did you get this part?—it's all your fault. So pay attention. These are ten things you must burn into your tiny little reptile brains. Better yet, have them tattooed upside down on your stomachs so you can look down whenever you need to and read them. There's more, but this is all I figure you can handle for a while. Take good notes; there will be a test in 2008. First, we are not the cops of the world. Every time we try to be, young Americans die by the thousands, instead of living to discover a cure for cancer or a matter-antimatter drive—or simply getting married and raising children and grandchildren in peace, freedom, and prosperity. Second, September 11, 2001 happened, not because somebody hates our freedom, but because this miserable government failed to respect theirs. Third, "Enemies, foreign and domestic" includes idiots, lunatics, and villains who plunge this country into one pointless war after another. Fourth, those you bomb and torture today will bomb and torture you tomorrow. Fifth, don't waste everybody's time and energy trying to keep immigrants out, legal or not. No matter what you do, they'll find a way in, wouldn't you? Instead, make them into Americans once they get here. Sixth, small business, not big, is the foundation and future of America. Seventh, remember the Bill of Rights and keep it wholly. It's not a set of arbitrary rules to be gotten around, it's the highest law of the land, to be stringently enforced with all your heart and all your might. Eighth, the rule of law is not a luxury in an emergency but a dire necessity. Ninth, the War on Drugs is over; drugs won. Above all, keep your religion in your pants. Like whatever else you have down there, nobody cares about it but you. If you don't like to drink and smoke, then don't drink and smoke—and don't bother those who do. The same goes for drugs. If you don't care for same-sex marriage, then don't marry someone of the same sex. If you don't like abortion, then don't have one. If you don't like evolution, then don't evolve. Yeah, I know. You're already making up excuses, rationalizations, justifications instead of listening, because keeping on doing the same old damned stupid things is more important to you than doing the right thing. More important than succeeding and feeling good about yourselves. More important than not getting your asses whipped—again—by Democrats. That's what I thought. Just checking.
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