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 THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE Number 686, September 2, 2012 "I believe there is a reason for that."
Attribute to L. Neil Smith's The Libertarian Enterprise Please allow me to begin this exercise by stating that I don't personally know a single member of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints that I don't like, or at least respect. They are a good people, for the most part, who believe—and act upon—many of the same values Libertarians do. We are not without our differences, of course, but the idea of a free country it that disagreement is all right, and even desirable. Three words: John Moses Browning. However, just as there are some individuals who call themselves libertarians, but don't actually believe in freedom (Wayne Allyn Root, Bob Barr, and Bill Redpath come to mind), so there are a good many self-proclaimed Mormons like that, as well. Lately we've been seeing and hearing a lot about one such Mormon, in particular, willing to cheerfully admit, in so many words, that he has the same respect for individual liberty and the Bill of Rights that a dog has for a fire hydrant. I believe there is a reason for that. For the past four years (and no, I'm not changing the subject) people have been trying to figure out who the hell this guy is who calls himself Barack H. Obama and claims to be the President of the United States. In all charity, he doesn't seem to know, himself. Sometimes he and his buttboys and girls say he was born in Hawaii, although they're not exactly sure where. Perhaps under a pineapple plant. At other times when it seems more politically advantageous, he and his charming, frugal wife have both said that he was born in Mombasa, the capital of Kenya. The advantage to this theory is that there are witnesses who were there when he was born, and a big bright-colored government propaganda poster proclaiming him to be "The Kenyan Wonder Boy". "Wonder" is an excellent word to associate with this donkey boy. Elephant men, Porcupine people, and everybody but the very Truest of Believers wonders what the man's real name is, Barack Hussein Obama, Barry Soetoro, Barry Soebarka, or D.B. Cooper. Legitimate questions (if you'll excuse a well-intended pun) have even been raised about his fatherhood. Is it Barak Obama from Kenya, or Frank Marshall Davis from Chicago? Some people wonder whether he's a Christian or a Muslim, but I don't give a damn about that; in my experience, all religions are equally crazy and destructive. And in any case, his real religion is Marxism. the kid was conceived and given birth (wherever it happened to be) by Marxists, raised by a pair of elderly Marxists whenever their sexually adventurous daughter ran off to join the Eloi, and most of all, he was carefully tutored by an internationally famous Marxist—that Frank Davis guy I mentioned—three times a week for ten years. Frank Marshall Davis was high in the councils of the American Communist Party, and he took orders directly from Moscow, as well. He also took photographs of naked young ladies. Our conservative friends believe that this is a bad thing, whereas libertarians (at least this libertarian) know that young ladies like that are unutterably generous in sharing their beauty with us (Bettie Page was one such lady), and they need photographers—even communist ones—to help them do that. But I really got distracted by a shiny thing this time. By contrast, we know lots about Mitt Romney. Too much. His high school years and the courtship of his wife read like Buffy without the vampires. This is the guy who was captain of the 49-man Squamish team, President of the Junior Rotarian Socialists, and Grand Gazootie of the Student Government. His wife reeks of pom-poms and corsages. They both make me think of Janice Ian songs, and that Malcolm McDowell movie If. But there's knowing, and then there's knowing. What most people don't know is that Romney's background is every bit as communistic as Obama's. That's right, I said Mitt Romney's background is every bit as communistic as Obama's. Think back to your high school or college history. Remember Brook Farm? Remember Amana? Remember Greeley and the Harmony community right here in Colorado? Nineteenth century America was so full of people trying out new and different lifestyles—or old and different lifestyles—it made the 1960s look as flat and conventional as Leave It To Beaver or Donna Reed. Each and every one of them was as collectivistic as Stalinist Russia, early, laughable, mostly unsuccessful efforts to reduce the individual to the status of an insect in a colony. And right in the middle of the swarm was America's first science fiction religion (the second is Scientology), the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latterday Saints. The symbol of which is a beehive—right out of The Hellstrom Chronicles. Now I asked jokingly a while back on FaceBook, what kind of Mormon is Mitt Romney? One side of his family let the United States Cavalry drive them into Mexico (despite the constraints of the First Amendment), rather than give up what they believed in. But if Romney was a Mormon like that, at his age, with his wealth, he'd have sixteen wives by now. Instead, he's the kind of Mormon who rolled over like an obedient cur and changed their customs so they could be a state. The irony is that, hating gun ownership as he does (the list of his crimes against the Second Amendment is as long as Brigham Young's wagon train) and favoring abortion and government healthcare, as he has, he couldn't get himself elected in Utah even throwing around the kind of money he has. So, skipping Michigan, where he grew up, he went to the Massachusetts S.S.R, and began the sort of lying and cheating that recently got him his Presidential nomination. He claimed to have "fixed" the Olympics, but the numbers are in now, and the man's a fraud. He couldn't make the residence requirement in the People's Republic of Massachusetts so he most likely bought his way around the ballot laws, as he buys his way around everything, exactly like a Kennedy. The silliest, most dangerous thing in the world is a communist with money. Look at Michael Moore. Look at Bono. Look at Rosie O'Donnell. No, you don't really have to. It was just a rhetorical exercise. Twenty years ago, I heard Cher admit on TV that she was a grown woman and married before she realized that Mount Rushmore is not a natural phenomenon. These people have the intellect of a boiled onion. A final note: I saw Clint Eastwood's infamous convention speech yesterday. Despite media reports to the contrary, or the ravings of Democrats and whimpering Republicans, it was brilliant and funny. It just wasn't the speech they'd handed him to give. And many of his criticisms of Obama applied equally—with painful obviousness—to Romney. Their response? "You'll never work in this town again." And his? "Make my day!"
Was that worth reading?
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